So, today at Coyote Daily we are so very lucky to be speaking to the world's very first trillionaire! Mr Pylon Rusk.
'Mr Rusk. Thank you very much for being able to spare the time to talk to us; I'm sure you must have at least a million things to be doing at this and every minute.'
'It's an absolute pleasure to be interviewed by your excellent environmental team at Coyote. Yes, it's true I am busy, but time must be taken to spread the word of how everyone can help preserve our magnificent planet with all its wonderful peoples, birds, insects, mammals - sigh. What a place! Why would anyone have such a crazed idea of living somewhere as inhospitable as the red sphere of Fartz. I have heard that certain folks are thinking of sending a space vessel there - what an absolute waste of our precious resources, if we should even call them resources, hm? I mean who are we to plunder this planet when it is for everyone and all creatures.'
'Indeed. You are so right. And this is obviously why you have had such incredible success - your benevolence to all beings, your insight into the natural world; the fact that so many ultra wealthy persons have dug deep into their own bank accounts, even cancelling orders for new mega-yurts, giving the money to Rusk Enterprises for it to be used in education, the arts, organic seed banks, and your latest program: Land-X, providing help millions of peasant farmers across the world improve their crop yields with lost techniques of irrigation, natural soil improvement and encouraging biodiversity balance.'
'It's what I always dreamed of, my friend. To be able to help everyone, not just the farmers in our country, but all peoples, and to learn from them too.' Shakes head slowly as a single tear rolls down a cheek. We always have so much to learn.' Sniff.'
Presenter hands over (clean) tissue. 'Would it be all right to ask the few questions we had prepared now?'
'Yes . . . yes. Sorry, please go ahead. I just get a little emotional sometimes when I think of how incredibly lucky we all are to exist on this one perfect sphere - did you know that all scientists now agree that The Earth is the only planet in any galaxy to have just the right balance of all atmospheric elements to support life? I mean what are the chances of this - this microscopic fluke that allowed us and all other lifeforms to develop here . . . and to think if the wrong people had been in control it could have all been so utterly trashed, burned and wasted . . .'
Reporter delves for another tissue, blows nose, stuffs tissue back in pocket and nods enthusiastically. 'Yes. You are so right, Mr Rusk.' Imagine if Sir David Atomburger, or that upstart, Feta Thumburger had your influence and monetary power! The damage that could have been reeked!
'So, my first question does have to be who makes your magnificent clothes. We so love the tweed suits and homburg hats.'
'Ah! a subject close to my heart. The tweed is manufactured on the isle of Davies - it was a dying industry but with my teams help we have managed to re-start production, using all the original techniques and encouraging the workforce to sing the much-loved dipping of wool in sheep urine procedure songs. The fact that I wear the products has endorsed the industry and we are able to plough back ninety percent of the turnover into the island and its people.'
(Shelby bros suit)'Fantastic!' And the hats?'
'Second hand, my friend, from the Blue Triangle and other charitable outlets, sometimes Veentread. I must admit to having a small obsession with second hand . . . one has to have a vice, hm?'
'Of course. And our listeners most popular question - what was it like visiting our glorious president in the egg-shaped office?'
'A day to store in the memories . . . what a guy! Such generosity. D'you know, he wanted to promote my new range of solar powered tricycles on the front lawn! Even bought one for his wife, Melancholia. She loves it!'
'How did he cope with the kids? It all looked pretty harmonious from where we were filming.''Great! he was so interested in our fostering success. I bought all twenty six of them with me, and he gave them all wonderful hand crafted wooden toys that his Son in-Law, Jarhead makes in his artisan workshop that he shares with other members of the family. They do so much for the environment. You know they have just donated six billion dollars to desert greening in the Sudan - incredible.'
'And not to mention all that work for protecting the Barrier Reef. Just amazing.'
A tinkling ringing sound starts up in the waistcoat of Mr Rusk. He slips a hand into the pocket and draws out a polished silver watch on a chain.
'Oh. I'm so sorry. Unfortunately I do have to be leaving you. We have a conference call on the subject of the water bird rehabilitation zone on the old Cherbobble nuclear site. Land-X has pledged over three million as it's such a crucial place for wildlife - which is returning! Hurrah! Can you imagine how crazy people must have been to ever have let such an utter disaster take place! Lucky for us we have our no-forever squabblings, and mutually assured happiness president, Hm?' He places an envelope on the studio desk, 'A little gift of my appreciation for the marvellous environmental and anti-racist work you do at Coyote Daily. So long.'
Mr Rusk strides to the studio door while the Coyote host opens the envelope and sobs. He shows it to the camera which zooms in, his voice recounting the contents. 'Two million dollars for our latest project, Make M'erca multicultural again. This is just too much, what a guy . . .' He smiles shakily, straightens his rainbow tie and waves to the camera. Thanks guys for tuning in. Tomorrow, we welcome Seth Bathos to hear all about his superb new project from Copse: next month - possibly- delivery and the rebirth of ecologic donkey transport.
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