Sunday 10 September 2023

Every little helps . . .

My version of the meeting where those three words were dreamt up for a certain food emporium.

"Morning everyone. So . . . here at Snickett, Rabid and Forelock, we've been given the go-ahead to create the new Turdco logo and, most importantly - a grabbing little phrase that can be used on store bags, shop frontage, ads, etc. Exciting, eh? So . . . Kevin, what're your thoughts?"

"Er, wot?"

"Kevin, get your arse in gear or you'll be on the office furniture catalogue before I can say, leatherette swivel chair."

"Sorry, Guv."

"They want three words . . . Amanda?"

"Why does everyone want three bloody words - like . . . Get Brexit Done . . . or. I'm lovin' it."

"Or, Just do it . . . or, Eat out to Help Out . . .

"Shut up, Kevin - that's five words."

"Oh - yeah. So . . . three words about saving money, or some bullshit."

"That's the idea."

" . . . Spend More, Tossers."

"Kevin! I'm warning you . . ."

"Okay - serious now. Save Money Here."

"Bit boring. Amanda?"

" . . . Broke? Shop Here."


"We Really Care."

"Bit too ingratiating."

"Free Food, Tuesdays."

What? they really doing that?

"Course they're not, Kevin! Look we've got ten minutes before the main honcho arrives for pastries and smarminess. Serious now! - come on! you're usually a bit good at this crap."

"Okay, okay . . . We love You - Grudgingly Accept You, Pay Our Shareholders, Come and Shop, I'ts warm Here, Got Much Soup, Free Use Toilets . . . fuck, it's not working."

"Think of your bonus. . . ." 

"Okay. Right! All Savings Help."

"Err, yeah - not bad. Bit more catchy. Bit more personal. Bit more - we relate to the little person on the street with their everyday scrimping."

"We Relate, Folks."

"Absolutely not! Something with help in it."

"Help at Hand."

"Too Salvation Army."

 ". . . We Help You."

"Boring. Amanda? Come on, come on!"

"Every Bit Helps?"

"Not bad . . . push the envelope."

" . . . What does that actually mean?"

 ". . . I've no idea. Come on!"

"Every Particle Helps. Every . . . Penny, Dime, Thing . . . Saving . . . Little."

"What? that last thing - say it again."


"YES! Every little Helps! Bloody brilliant. Done - quick, Kevin, wipe that penis off the whiteboard - tell Doris to get the buns in."

 ". . . Hello, everyone. Please come in . . . Good holiday, Malcolm? Great! . . . Yes, it's gone exceptionally well. We're very pleased with what we've come up with - took quite a time, I must say. A lot more customer surveys than anticipated. Ah, Doris. Coffee all round - your finest of course!

What this post was actually about was 'every little helps' in relation to saving our rapidly degrading planet. My tip for today - tiny, minuscule tip, but might help if everyone were to adopt it and stop buying washing -up sponges. We are guilty of purchasing them for years (gulp) but their lifespan is short and greasy, and no doubt make up a considerable area of landfill each year, or even month/week.

Thanks to my super brother visiting recently and his giving of certain practical, house gifts, we have now adopted the loofah for washing up - pleasantly scratchy and fibrous. Very durable, doesn't get greasy and can go in the washing machine/dishwasher/. Teamed with a scrap of old t-shirt for wiping down as the loofa does leave more water than the trad sponge, it's a perfect kitchen solution. And cheaper. And makes you feel better. What's not to like - oops four words.  

P.S... this morning, I went to get the old sponge I'd kept for cleaning the dark recesses of the oven and discovered a tiny plant growing on it - proof of the stuff that must live in these little rectangles.


Don't worry, folks! I will replant the seedling in the garden.

No comments:

Post a Comment